Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
