you're like a bully in the Christmas story
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
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