I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
