did you get engaged???
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
