I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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