my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I love you.
Bad choice
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
