I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
