My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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