oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
