She is in my trunk
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
