I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
