Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
