I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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