no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
high people should be assigned attendants
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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