remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Congratulations! We have a period
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
