I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize