"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
