Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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