is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
