There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
This toilet bowl is my home.
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