i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
