I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Let's get the cat blown out
I don't want my vagina anymore.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
