is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
