if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
