i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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