Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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