doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
