what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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