i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
