buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
