My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
