every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
