haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
