I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
