I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
