I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
