I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
