When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
