he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
