can we get nightvision for the apartment?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize
