well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
