Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
