I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize