508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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