i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
