But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
