just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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