Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
