1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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