Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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