I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
