i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
