She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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