My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
