boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
