I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
