Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
