I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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