If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
A+ Viking dick
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
