Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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