i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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