Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I need to calm my uterus...
I need water and some morals
Randomize
