Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
