I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
