Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
