This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Oh god it's open bar.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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