I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
