Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
